Born to Be Mild

Get your NSAID ready
Head out to the buffet
My spine once ran on chaos
Now it’s telling me to crochet
The heating pad is glowing
Like a toaster set to “pain”
My vertebrae formed a flash mob
Just to dance on my sciatic nerve again

My knee joint creaks with every step,
Sounds just like a rusty door,
I used to run for miles on end,
Now I barely cross the floor.
A simple sneeze can throw me out,
A sudden breeze can make me sigh,
I tried to bend to tie my shoe,
And nearly kissed my youth goodbye.

Doctors speak in riddles
Like “avoid all axial load”
But how do you dodge disaster
When your skeleton’s in beast mode

My organs formed a committee
To discuss my daily aches
The liver brought a PowerPoint
The kidneys brought cupcakes

The heart demanded overtime
The lungs filed HR claims
The colon staged a walkout
And refused to play its games